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But don’t act like your time was wasted or that you were ripped off. Your parents had to kiss a lot of frogs before they met so why shouldn’t you? And if you think it should, you’re entitled and don’t have the tools to build a relationship so stop dating until you grow the fuck up. Know that you got to hear a new story, as did they, and that’s a privilege. If things did work out, then make it clear that you like then. There is already something false about this and he or she will smell it and lose trust. You’re not being mysterious in a good way by keeping someone in the dark. If you guys have sex, don’t pretend like you didn’t.
Be a good fucking human, the kind that your kids would be proud of, and be respectful. But if you are not transparent, you are already fucking things up.
Don’t ghost because shit comes around and someone you really like will ghost on you and you will internalize it and wonder why and if you’re defective. You can’t want a cleaner world and toss your bag of Wendy’s out your car window.
Most likely, you guys are both looking for something that will turn into a relationship. If you have been inside someone or someone has been inside you, both of you have a right to ask what’s up. If you don’t want to be monogamous, then tell them.
But hiding behind your friends just screams insecurity. If they look like Drew Barrymore on Skype, Drew Carry won’t show up. And you’ve already talked to them on the phone so you already have a feel for their personality.
Also, you’ve already seen the person live via webcam / phone and technology is pretty fucking good these days so even if they’re really photogentic, they won’t be that far off.
If you’re not super fucking hot and funny first, you can go fuck yourself, ladies.) Kanye isn’t perfect, but you pretty much either love him and think he’s a genius and then he makes some sense to you, or you don’t get it and he seems crazy.
Maybe you don’t love him because you don’t love his music or some of the mistakes he’s made in the past, or maybe you don’t love him because you’re a racist, but those two responses actually look the same to him, and why shouldn’t they? Maybe it’s a mistake for him to keep talking about it.
But this process is what made dating fun, exciting, romantic, and fulfilling. But more importantly, It gave two people a real chance because effort was put into it.
It made the date a mini event, something to look forward to. Today, a date is a coffee or a drink but not dinner because what if they don’t look like their picture.
We’re all just swiping, crossing fingers, and pissed off the person we met on our phone two hours ago is not our soul mate. A fucking real conversation is the first step to get to know someone.
(And I know you’re exciting and I love your juicy booty, but that’s not the point.) Now imagine for a second that someone writes to me and says, “Look, you’re just ok and you’re old and you’re wasting your time on this bullshit.” (Um, no one does that, because this isn’t Salon.) But imagine that someone does tell me that. That said, though, I don’t want to follow their meandering bullshit wherever it leads, and I don’t want to flirt, and I don’t want to feed their egos. Usually, this starts after I open my mouth, but maybe not? Now sometimes slightly weird guys, slightly smarter, stranger, maybe more damaged or maybe just more sensitive guys (or both), they were a little intrigued by my not-buying-it face and my assertive here’s-what-I-fucking-think fat mouth, or maybe they just liked my ass, which truly was a force of nature for a time.
And imagine that I spend several hours of my time explaining why I’m awesome and my work here is incredibly significant to the health of the planet, and I fucking matter and I have great ideas, brilliant fucking ideas, I’m a genius, and seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? I want to engage in a give and take conversation while occasionally calling them on their shit. It’s an accident of fate that I ever hung out with high fivers in my entire life.
And, more importantly, how to I cultivate self-esteem?